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Please read all instructions and warnings before use. Must be 18 years of age or older to proceed further. Enter at your own risk. Do not enter. Speed limit – 28.8 or higher. Stop here on red. An inchworm is neither an inch long, nor a worm. Hostess will seat you. Trucks over 4 tons excluded. Void where prohibited by law. Some assembly required. This is a test of the emergency broadcast system – this is ONLY A TEST! List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Use only as directed. For indoor or outdoor use only. Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. We make no other warranties, expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Postal service will not deliver mail without postage. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Subject to CAB approval. 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Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes, or other acts of God, neglect, damage from improper use, incorrect line voltage, unauthorized use, unauthorized repair, improper installation, typos, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, disk failure, accidental file deletions, mud slides, forest fire, hitting of a deer, milk coming out of your nose due to laughing while drinking, or projectiles, which can include, but are not limited to, arrows, bullet shots, BBs, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.

This disclaimer may not be copied or reproduced in any form without the expressed written consent of whoever I stole it from.

25 thoughts on “Disclaimer”

  1. Immediately after “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” you might want to add
    “An Onion a day keeps everyone away”.

    Enjoy the site.

  2. All coolers and diaper bags are subject to inspection.
    Avoid contact with genitalia.
    Keep away from open flames and avoid inhaling fumes.

  3. This site is not, nor has it ever been, associated with British Petroleum. They suck the Earth dry, we fill it with life – please learn the difference before proceeding.

  4. Lather rinse repeat.
    No deposit no return.
    Cook to 180 degrees.
    Apply 20 minutes before sun exposure.
    18% gratuity included.
    No COD’s.
    Do not place in microwave.
    Top rack dishwasher safe.
    Pets allowed.
    May contain nutjobs.
    Flush eyes 10-15 minutes with eye bleach.
    Do not induce vomiting.
    May Will become habit forming.
    Puns intended.
    Stoop then poop.

    Believe me I still get mixed up on that last one.

  5. Check out time is 11 am.
    Exact change only.
    Give a hoot, don’t pollute.
    Remove before flight.
    Loose lips sink ships.
    Remember, only YOU can prevent forest fires.
    No jake brake within city limits.
    If it’s yellow, let it mellow. If it’s brown, flush it down.

  6. Keep hands inside of car at all times.
    Not for internal use.

    Resale of tickets in excess of face value without the express written permission of Bits & Pieces is strictly prohibited and may be in violation of applicable state and local laws.

    Understand that reading B&P involves certain risks, including but not limited to death, serious neck and spinal injuries resulting in complete or partial paralysis, severe cardiovascular stress and violent physical contact, brain damage, and injury to virtually all bones, joints, muscles and internal organs, and that equipment provided for protection may be inadequate to prevent serious injury. Further understand that B&P involves a particularly high risk of ankle and knee injury.

  7. I cant remember when I have laughed so hard. Jonco has really started
    something here. Some considerations:

    Top Secret – Eyes Only.

    Will not shrink.

    Do not use bleach.

    Do not eat.

    Sugar Free.

    Post no bills.

    For a good time call Jenny, 867-5309.

    Loud pipes save lives.

    Look both ways before proceeding.

    Clerk cannot open safe.

    If you enjoy your freedom, thank a Vet.

    No turn on red.

    No left turn.

    No right turn.

    No U-turn.

    No calories.

    Low sodium.

    No artificial flavoring.

    Size does not matter.

    Flammable: Keep away from spark, heat or flame.


    35% alcohol by volume.

    Shake well before using.

    Refrigerate after opening.

  8. This message does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or alter ego; all rights reserved; you may distribute this message freely but you may not make a profit from it; terms are subject to change without notice; this message has not been safety tested for children under the age of 3; illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail; intended solely for the private use of our audience; any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental; do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law; hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle; your mileage may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time only; this message is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted; caveat emptor; prices may vary in Alaska, Hawaii, and Puerto Rico; message is provided “as is” without any warranties;

    reader assumes full responsibility; past performance does not predict future results and people can and do lose money; an equal opportunity message; no shoes, no shirt, no message; quantities are limited while supplies last; if any defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized service center; read at your own risk; parental advisory – explicit lyrics; text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised; keep away from sunlight; keep away from pets and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; you need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries not included; instructions are included; action figures sold separately; no preservatives added; slippery when wet; safety goggles may be required during use; sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken; call before you dig; not liable for damages arising from use or misuse;

    for external use only; if rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading; read only with proper ventilation; avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place; keep away from open flames; avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit; do not place near a flammable or magnetic source; smoking this message could be hazardous to your health; no salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician; may cause drowsiness, alcohol may intensify this effect; use caution when operating a car or dangerous machinery; possible penalties for early withdrawal; offer valid only at participating sites; slightly higher west of the Rockies; allow four to six weeks for delivery; must be 18 to read; objects in mirror are closer than they appear; disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB’s, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.); other restrictions may apply; contest ends 12-31-98; contents measured by weight only, contents may settle in transit; May cause random outbursts of extreme violence, epileptic seizures, or whatever; actual message may differ from illustration on box.

  9. New and improved! Same low price! Now with two scoops of bits and pieces! Two great tastes that taste great together! Double your pleasure double your fun! Two, two, two mints in one! Two for me none for you! They’rrrrrre grrrrreat! They’re magically delicious! They’re kid tested mother approved! He likes it! Hey Mikey! Mmmm mmmm good! The greatest show on Earth! Cats ask for it by name! Billions and billions served! It’s the quicker picker upper! It’s the pause that refreshes! It’s the real thing! You deserve a break today! Have it your way! We love to see you smile! Sometimes you feel like a nut sometimes you don’t! We’ll leave the light on for you! You’ve come a long way baby! When your here you’re family! Let your fingers do the walking! Reach out and touch someone! You’re in good hands! Just do it! Get the sensation! The best a man can get! It’s finger lickin’ good! It takes a licking and keeps on ticking! It keeps going and going and going! When it absolutely positively has to be there overnight! It’s everywhere you want to be! Don’t leave home without it! We bring good things to life! We scour the web so you don’t have tooooooo!

  10. FWIW: “the “Unix” trademark belongs to “The Open Group” and has since 1994. AT&T/Bell Labs sold the Unix Trademark and Patents to Novell sometime in the early 80’s; Novell transferred the Trademark and Patents to The Open Group in 1994. This was the subject of a major lawsuit where SCO was trying to claim that they “owned Unix” – They DID own “UnixWare” – a specific product that was transferred to SCO around the same time as the Unix Trademark and Patents were transferred to the Open Group” however that sale never included trademarks or patents. This was validated by unanimous ruling in 2007 in https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SCO_Group,_Inc._v._Novell,_Inc.


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