Language

Medical Terminology Interpreted by Rednecks…

Artery – The study of paintings

Bacteria – Back door to cafeteria

Barium – What doctors do when patients die

Benign – What you be, after you be eight

Caesarean Section – A neighborhood in Rome

Cat scan – Searching for Kitty

Cauterize – Made eye contact with her

Coma – A punctuation mark

Dilate – To live long

Enema – Not a friend

Fester – Quicker than someone else

Fibula – A small lie

Impotent – Distinguished, well known

Labor Pain – Getting hurt at work

Medical Staff – A Doctor’s cane

Morbid – A higher offer

Nitrates – Rates of Pay for Working at Night, Normally more money than Days

Node – I knew it

Outpatient – A person who has fainted

Pelvis – Second cousin to Elvis

Post Operative – A letter carrier

Recovery Room – Place to do upholstery

Rectum – Nearly killed him

Secretion – Hiding something

Seizure – Roman Emperor

Tablet – A small table

Terminal Illness – Getting sick at the airport

Tumor – One plus one more

Urine – Opposite of you’re out

Thanks, Brother Paul

Plurals

We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and there would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

And in closing…………

If Father is Pop, how come Mother’s not Mop.??????

Thanks, s&f