Skinny dipping

Skinny dippingAn elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back.

It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange and lime trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, ‘we’re not coming out until you leave!’

The old man frowned, ‘I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.. ‘

Holding the bucket up he said, ‘I’m here to feed the alligator.’

Some old men can still think fast.

Thanks Janet B

Why don’t we have any juice?

The Mister recently returned from a 10-day pleasure trip cruising around the U.S. on a Harley Davidson.  While he was away, it rained.  Often.  My nearest relative lives more than 2,000 miles away.  I have a job to go to/ the little kid had a fever/ the big kid had a bunch of places to be/ the lawn needed mowing/ the kiddos needed feeding – you mothers know how those 10-day stints alone go.  Mr. Dork came home in the middle of the night.  The next morning I’m in the kitchen, dressed for work, feeding the children, yadda yadda yadda and he says to me “Why don’t we have any juice?”  Actually, he may have said “Honey, why don’t we have any juice”, but he’d sealed his fate all the same.

The man knows I work for a divorce law firm.  Why does he ask lethal questions like that?

Men.  There is a vas deferens between us.

Thanks Krisgo

Police stop at 1:00 AM

Police stopAn elderly man is stopped by the police walking on the side of the road at 1:00 A.M. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, “I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body.”

The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?”

The man replies, “That would be my wife.”