Friday Firesmith – The Stolen Laptop and Karma

My friend Ben is one of those guys that you just cannot anger. Traffic? No problem, he’s a saint on the interstate who never raises an eyebrow, much less a finger at someone who cut him off from the slow lane. When his wife left him for another man, Ben loaned them his truck and helped pack. “Kept her from running off with my stuff,” Ben said stoically. 

Ben is an avid deer and turkey hunter, and the one thing you don’t want to do is encourage him to talk about hunting. He called me one day for me to come over and look at something. If it had hit Ben’s interest enough for him to want a second opinion, it was worth the drive. 

Someone had been walking around the parking lot of Mal-Wart while Ben was shopping, and stolen his laptop. That was on him, for leaving the truck unlocked, Ben claimed, but his laptop and phone were synched. Ben showed me the guy who stole his laptop sitting behind the keyboard, oblivious to the fact the laptop’s cam was operating. 

“Uh, Ben, how’d he get into your computer?” I asked. 

“I keep the password taped to the bottom of it, I can never remember it,” he replied. Okay, he leaves his doors unlocked and his passwords out in the open, but it’s not like he’s a serial killer. 

Ben is a patient man if he isn’t anything else. While the thief was buying stuff on Amazon, Ben was adding a few things to his cart, like sex toys, and sending them to the thief’s home address. The man sent some money from Pay Pal to Ben’s favorite charity. Ben changed the man’s FB profile to a photo of Curly, one of the Three Stooges. 

And then things got interesting. Ben accessed his forlorn laptop, got the cam running, and lo! The robber had left the computer open on his desk, right next to his bed. Things were heating up, so Ben took some photos, then he accessed gospel music and turned the volume up, loud. 

Ben then sent this message, “Hi! You stole my laptop, and I want it back. Here’s some photos I’ve taken of you smoking pot, a video of you swearing to your boss you were too sick to go to work and then drinking while binge-watching porn, and the things you do when you are watching porn, ugh! Anyway, I’m going to park my blue Ford in front of the post office tomorrow at five-thirty, I know you work close by, and I know what time you get off. Leave the laptop, and I’ll leave you alone. Otherwise, I’m going to send your mother-in-law a video of you telling your wife you rather eat roadkill possum than at that woman’s house ever again.” 

Ben got his laptop back. 

Take Care,


Mike writes regularly at his site:  The Hickory Head Hermit.

Opinions expressed in this article are not necessarily those of the management of this site.

10 thoughts on “Friday Firesmith – The Stolen Laptop and Karma”

  1. Oh my, please, pleeease, if there’s a God let that be true.

    I got an email saying they had installed trojans in my computer and have split screen video of me masturbating on one side and what I was watching on the other. If I didn’t send $500 in bitcoin within a couple weeks they would send the video to every person on my email contact list.
    I wonder how many people fall for that?
    There’s no camera on my computer.

  2. Bruce, I had the same sort of message last year, and my partner said she knew it wasn’t me.
    When I asked her how she knew she said mine was a lot smaller.
    For that, I took her out for dinner. Then let her pay.

  3. That is a great way to get a laptop back.

    I would be tempted to still release some of the pics.

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