Friday Firesmith – Alien Abduction

Odd thing, the plague, it really is. During the lockdown, a friend of mine was working from home, and so was the guy she lived with at the time. Of all the things that could have happened, her boyfriend became sick, not with the plague, but with heart troubles, and he died. She went into a state of grief, and stayed there, for many months, and finally emerged.

Now, the internet is the perfect ways-and-means to reconnect with old flames, and she rediscovered a guy she went to college with, who lived half a country away. Perfect. This way she could ease into the idea of dating without there being someone right there all the time, and if she decided it was too soon, breaking up would be a lot less messy. She told her old flame all of this, laid her cards on the table, and was totally honest about her state of mind.

He countered with this gem, “I know what you mean, since the abduction, I haven’t really been the same, either.”

“Abduction?” My friend was aghast. Had this man been held hostage for money or something?

“Aliens,” he said, “but I don’t like to talk about it, yet”

 My friend decided quickly her old flame wasn’t interested, and the alien thing was his way of scaring her away, so they ended the conversation with cheerful goodbyes and she thought that was that. Clearly, no one in their right mind is going to just blurt out they were abducted by aliens, and she went back to knitting with her cats.

Two days later, he calls and wants to know what she isn’t responding to his messages. It was then and there she realized he wasn’t trying to get rid of her, and he actually believed he had been abducted by aliens.

There’s a lot to unpack here.

Shall we? Beam me up!

Okay, if I was really and truly abducted by aliens, there are about two people I could tell and have any hope they would believe me. A random former lover who hunted me down on the internet would not be someone I told, at the end of a text conversation that had lasted just ten minutes.

Personally, I wouldn’t believe me. I would very seriously have doubts about my own sanity, and I would think it more likely I was delusional than grabbed by aliens wielding an anal probe and Christmas lights while wearing ET merch.  

So what does that say about someone who would tell that story? If they’re lying, man, that’s one hell of a lie to try to pass. It’s like one of those jacks we played with as kids, being a kidney stone and trying to pass that through your urinary system. I went through the people I knew who could tell me that story and I would believe it, and honestly, I have more thumbs. It’s a hell of a lot more likely that my friends are insane than targets for galactic anal probes.

Show of hands who would believe me if I told you that story? See what I mean?

So my friend told the guy it was too soon, and she wasn’t ready. He said he understood, and it’s been a few weeks since she’s heard from him. I knew this guy from the mid-’80s, and you know, he never seemed the alien abduction type, not that there is that type. But really, if I was picked up by aliens, I wouldn’t tell a soul. I’d keep quiet about it, maybe write about it, call it fiction, and go on with life. At the end of the day, you have to keep some things to yourself. Maybe, however, there’s a guy out there who got kidnapped by aliens, and he’s sitting there wondering why no one believes him, and that’s what the aliens want us to think.

Take Care,


Mike writes regularly at his site:  The Hickory Head Hermit.
Opinions expressed in this article are not necessarily those of the management of this site.


6 thoughts on “Friday Firesmith – Alien Abduction”

  1. So, is this friend of yours likely to take some of those tiny toiletries or towels from a hotel room? Or the pen and pad of paper they have in their end tables? Or any small, essentially worthless item? I ask because most people do. So, why wouldn’t they pocket some small item from the alien spaceship before they’re sent home? An alien coat hanger would go a long away supporting a story.

    Just saying’.

    • CAI, you would think they would point out some physical evidence of some sort, but there seems to be none. Nothing. Yet the aliens are so plentiful they’ll go after drunk fishermen in the swamps of Mississippi. Hard pass on this one.

  2. You don’t think the aliens are dumb enough to build a device to Hoover you up, and beam you back, without a filter to separate out weapons and souvenirs do you. Why do you think they have such big heads.


Leave a Comment or Reply...