Month: December 2017

Today’s Motoring Moron is the person who was traveling down the road in a Giant Wrecker Truck. I got behind this person and the GWT outside the thriving metropolis of Quitman Georgia and realized the GWT was going about three miles an hour slower than I wanted to go. US84 is a four-lane so I kicked it up to about five miles an hour faster than the GWT waited until I was half a mile ahead of him, and then changed lanes to get in front of him.

Clearly, this sort of behavior is an affront to his manhood.

So he kicks up the speed until he catches up with me and passes me with about a car length between us, and I drop back a football field behind him and I wait. He’s going faster than I want to go now, and his manhood has been restored now that he’s in front of me again. The Order of the Universe is in balance now. But as we get into Valdosta the traffic catches him and he’s blowing his horn because the guy who is front of him lets someone pull out and I’m so over all of this. I hit Boone Dairy Road, a side road, and I go around the mess in front of me.

This pops me out back on Saint Augustine and generally speaking, this is a slower route I’ve taken. But I look back in my rearview mirror, and lo! There he is. He is now behind me. Deftly, yet without intent, I have neutered him once again. So the chase begins anew. He with his GWT and me really not caring. The next light catches us both but there are three cars between us. He’s trapped in slower traffic now, and I pull ahead, not with intent but simply because traffic dictates how fast it is safe to travel.

Somehow, without any action taken on my part, I was part of a conflict I cannot understand. I am totally without any comprehension why someone who is traveling faster than I shouldn’t pass me, and why anyone traveling slower should not allow me to pass. Somehow, the collective psyche of the American motorist has been high jacked to believe that no matter where we might be going or what speed we are traveling, it’s all some sort of mass competition with some surreal sense of satisfaction awarded as the prize for driving dangerously in the name of not letting someone pass at any time for any reason.

Explain this to me. I’m at a total loss as to why this person behaved in this manner. Why did my passing this person make him react to what I had done? Why was the fact that I took a side road and wound up in front of him drive him, no pun intended, to try to catch up with me? Is it so important that we turn each and every other motorist into some sort of enemy? Is this something we cannot control or reduce?

Explain this to me, please.

Take Care,
Mike