Month: October 2014

The difference, as far as I can tell, between getting married and getting a dog, is that most decent people when they get a dog intend to keep that dog until death. Most people, even decent people, when they get married, realize they aren’t 100% in control of the institution. I’ve known really happy men who have woken up to find their wives packing their bags, it’s over okay thanks bye. The very worst is when a spouse is the very last person on earth to find out that they have an unfaithful future ex, and even worse than the worst, is when everyone else around them knows.

Three time in my life I have been the bearer of The Unfaithful Report. All three times my information was met with the very strongest of denials. I took a roommate of mine to the home of his girlfriend’s supposed, exboyfriend, where her car was parked next to his, at three in the morning. We got real quiet on the way back to the apartment then said, “Well maybe they’re talking.” Maybe she lied to you about going home. But the light bulb came on the next day when she admitted she was “seeing” him again.

Then there was Mr. Perfect Family Man who really was. He looked perfect for the job, his two year old daughter looked perfect in his lap, but his wife had a boyfriend and slowly but surely she began to co-opt her friends, and then his friends, in keeping him looking the other way. There were three of us, my girlfriend started it, and we sat him down to explain to him that we couldn’t go on like this. Then we took him to the hotel where they were staying and said, “Look, there is you wife’s car! Look! There is her “friend” from work’s car. Look, the lights are all out.” But even with that he refused to believe. When he confronted her she told him there was a business meeting at the hotel, at ten on a Friday night, and they had to park where they were parked because the parking lot was full.

The lasted another month before she ditched him for the other guy.

A very close friend of mine was married to another friend of mine, and one night he started telling me about this woman at work he was having sex with. I was stunned. They had been married less than six months. Yet he was all excited about the woman at work and went into detail about how great she was.
I sat his wife down and asked her where her husband was. She said oh he’s at work. The store where he works closes at five, and now it’s eight. Where might be be? So she went down to where he worked and called him on his cell. He told her he was at work. She told him she was right outside the store. She then picked up a rock and threw it through the window, setting off the alarm. The two inside, who had made a love nest in the storeroom, had some explaining to do.

My turn.

So the day I asked my wife for a divorce is was an intense and ugly scene. I remember every second of it. She finally left, slammed the door behind her, and about thirty seconds later the phone rang. It was a mutual friend of ours. He stuttered, “What are you doing there?” I told him, “I live here, why you are calling here thinking I won’t be home?” And then he said, “Oh, well, she just called me and…” He thought she called from the house but she had called from her cell.
“I just told my wife I wanted a divorce and the first person she calls is you?”  The light bulb over my head went off. “Why would she do that?”

The drop called had busted them both.

Were you ever the clueless person who was the last to find out?

Take Care,
Mike

Mike writes regularly at his site:  The Hickory Head Hermit

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