Friday Firesmith – Children and LSD; In Public

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I am not a people person. I am not a child person. For me, the logic in having children totally escaped me, and it still does. I do know people whose lives are magical and joyful because they have kids, but I also know people whose lives are magical and joyful because they do LSD. I don’t do LSD either, by the way, and for those of us who do neither children nor hallucinogens, I would like to have a word with those of you who do.

If you are going to do strong drugs that make you scream or weep or reasonably demand things in your loudest voice, then perhaps LSD isn’t a drug you are much suited for, and you should stick to Sangria or perhaps you should smoke pot. If you have trouble controlling your bodily functions or your ability to discern when you are annoying other people when you’re stoned out of your mind, perhaps you should have stayed at home and not gone to a restaurant after all.

Now, for those of you with children.

Oh, you saw it coming a mile away, didn’t you? What? Really? How can that be?

The reality of the situation is in my lifetime I can count on my thumbs how many times stoned people have done anything at a restaurant that wasn’t at least mildly amusing, but not socially unacceptable.  A guy I knew was tripping fell over laughing and couldn’t stop, but that was during Spring Break, in Panama City Beach, and it was the 70’s.

Now, let’s review the activity of the two groups of people involved here:

Since the 70’s, how many times in a restaurant has a child begun to cry or scream and not stopped until there was at least one person in the building ready to pony up enough money for a vasectomy right there on the spot, with a butter knife and a shot of tequila as emergency ER tools?

I went out with a friend for lunch today and they had to put an infant in a wooden stool with a seat on it in the middle of the aisle. For course, the child began some high pitch wailing and would not stop. Because of the chair placement we had to either push the child towards the table, and towards its rightful parents, we assumed, or we had to walk all the way around the restaurant to the other door, cut across the parking lot, and finally make good our escape.

There was no hope of enjoying a meal with someone who was short on years but long on tears.

I blame the parents. If your kid is kicking up that kind of fuss in public then get the hell out.  Take the kid to the car, take the kid to an adoption agency, take the kid to Afghanistan and the terrorists will run fleeing from that place.

I rather sit next to a table where someone is looking at his hand and all zoned out than next to a six month old whose voice is pushing people to leave the building rather than sit through another long wail.

Take Care,


Mike writes regularly at his site:  The Hickory Head Hermit

Opinions expressed in this article are not necessarily those of the management of this site.

29 thoughts on “Friday Firesmith – Children and LSD; In Public”

  1. I feel your pain,I have found out that some babies can cry or yell louder that a 747 taking off

  2. You’ll get no argument from me, a parent and grandparent. If your child goes haywire on you in a public place where people are enjoying themselves, then it is your duty to spare them and take the child somewhere else. You gambled and lost. Apologize as you leave.

  3. I remember once when I took my daughter Kris out to a fairly nice restaurant, cloth napkins and all, and she made such a fuss I swore I was never going to take her to another restaurant again.
    I relented and can now go to a restaurant with her… most of the time. 🙂

      • Oh, probably 3 or 4, something like that. I just remember having to leave and swearing that I’d NEVER take her to a restaurant again. LOL (Of course I knew that was an empty threat, but it made me feel better at the moment.)

    • It won’t be all that long before Krisgo won’t be able to take you to a nice restaurant, because you’ll be whining and making rude body noises and smells and wetting yourself.
      Karma’s a bitch ain’t it.

  4. My wife and I have often commented on the fact that we never had any problems taking out daughter out to eat. She was always quiet and behaved beautifully. I still don’t know how we got lucky…

    • I don’t know you or your wife at all, Richard, but I can tell you emphatically that luck hasn’t a damn thing to do with it. I find it odd that when kids are bad they have bad parents but when kids are good we are more likely to say it was luck. I don’t believe it. I think you can be a good parent and have a bad child but I do not think you can be a bad parent and have a good child.

      But I am more than willing to give you both the benefit of the doubt; good kid = good parenting.

      • “but I do not think you can be a bad parent and have a good child.”

        Oh, I think that’s also possible. Not probable, but possible. Couple of famous names that jump to mind are Oprah Winfrey and Dave Pelzer (“A Child Called ‘It'”). I’m sure there are others living among us who were abused and/or abandoned by monster parents as kids.

        And orphaned children who became world famous?…the list is endless.

        • I didn’t say someone couldn’t be a good person I said a good child. As far as I am concerned, even orphans raised by people not related to them should consider those people to be parents in every sense of the word, actual and whole.

  5. My exwife and I decided even before our first was born that we would not shy away from taking them out to eat nor would we allow them to disrupt or annoy others. The majority of the time they were very well behaved because they knew behaving otherwise would not be tolerated. The few times we had problems it was quickly remedied by a trip to the restroom.

    What I have experienced is that when children know what is expected of them they will usually try to live up to expectations. An habitually obnoxious and bratty child is more often than not, the fault of an obnoxious and/or clueless parent.

  6. I went to see Hunger Games, 11 at night. I walk in to the theater and some dumb ass parents bring toddlers in with them to watch Hunger Games. I knew my night was about to be ruined. I was right. Within 30 minutes those tikes were screaming their lungs out. And the parents refused to vacate.

    There are some damn dumb parents out there.

  7. On the upside, there might be someone in the place on a bad blind date, who would welcome a reason to cut it short. Ha Ha

  8. I had a great set of kids; always pretty calm and quiet. I think they were afraid I’d embarass them by singing, jumping on the table, or dancing in the restaurant.

  9. Couldn’t have said it better myself, Mike.
    Mine would have been very much shorter and far more profane.
    And when it occurs I don’t give a rat’s ass how the parents feel about MY attitude!

  10. Kudos to you, Mike!
    My husband and I ALWAYS took our son with us (movies, restaurants, etc) and we never had a problem. After his first attempt at misbehaviour, he got a trip to the restroom and a spanking. That was ALL it took. Never had problems again. Today he is a well-mannered, polite, courteous honor-student who turns 16 soon. Parents who can’t control their children shouldn’t be allowed to have children.

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