Redneck Engineering Exam

Goggles1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
a) ’66 Ford Fairlane
b) ’69 Chevrolet Chevelle
c) ’64 Pontiac GTO

3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?

4. A pulpwood cutter has chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The lot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2×8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man’s land?

8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain? For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?

9. A Coal Mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift.
How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?

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9 thoughts on “Redneck Engineering Exam”

  1. Rednecks are the last minority anyone can make fun of and no one get offended.

    Of course, if they ever do there won’t be much talk about equality or oppression or sensitivity training.

    There might be gunfire, but damn little sensitivity training

    • I’m from strong and ancient hillbilly stock and this really made me chuckle.

      Funny about the gunfire vs sensitivity training. The book I’m currently reading addresses the origins of backwoods methods of conflict resolution. Gunfire at the very least!

      • I call BS, “The book I’m currently reading” gives you away.

        Unless you have been reading it for 40 years…

    • My father’s family is all from Bent Creek, VA, mostly living in the hills. A few moved to the big city, Appomattox. That part of the clan stopped claiming the ones left behind as family…

  2. Most of the exam is easy, but #4, #6 and #7 are incomplete. #4 – How many guys are doing the work and how many tall boys did they consume before starting the job? #6 – Are Bubba and Junior both on the porch along with the washing machine when the porch collapses? #7 – How many of the trailers are single wide vs. double wide?

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