Many many years ago I got married because I thought it was the thing to do. I thought that I was truly in love. We have had a good marriage. There has been a lot of fun times and some bad times. About a year after we got married my wife introduced me to a relative (cousin) of hers. I knew the moment I saw her she was the one I was meant to be with. I’ve kept these feelings to myself all these years because I did not want to hurt anyone, especially the person I promised my life to. Just recently I found out (probably deep down knew all along) that the cousin felt the same way about me. Over the years we have seen each other at family gatherings and have never communicated our true feelings for each other. Now that we know how each other feels it it very hard not to see each other. We share feelings and thoughts thru email. Neither of us want to hurt the person who introduced us to each other. I am truly happy for the first time in my life when we are talking. The cousin is the most beautiful and wonderful person I have ever met. When she walks into a gathering, I get a warm feeling all over and cannot stop smiling. I thought I knew what happiness was all along. I was wrong. Now I know. I don’t know how long I can keep this secret. I am just afraid to cause anyone any pain. I have always thought I would rather be unhappy myself than hurt someone else. I don’t know anymore. Never have I had these kind of feelings before. Totally confusing. Maybe it’s time to start thinking about me for a change.
Confused
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Yes.. telling your wife that your marriage is a sham and that you’re in love with someone else, her cousin, is definitely something you should put off even longer. I’m sure she’ll really appreciate her commitment, love and devotion going to you for even more time.
Congratulations, you’re an idiot. I bet after 2 or 3 years with the cousin, you’ll find REAL REAL true love when you run away with her best friend. I don’t know what would be funnier, watching this tool tell his wife that he loves her cousin, or seeing his wife find this confession online. Also, how does it come up in conversation that you and your wife’s cousin are in love? This whole post is either BS or it is a glimpse into the life of the most retarded person alive.
Since when are feelings (even very warm and fuzzy ones) more important than commitment? You made a commitment to a woman. If you are a man, you stand by commitment and you stand by the woman you made your commitment to. If you leave your wife for this woman, you will no longer be the same man. You will be a man swayed by emotion and no longer a man of your word. You will be offering the cousin a different man than the one she thinks you are now. You will be offering her a man who cannot be counted on to love, honor, and cherish. If you do this, I hope someone tells her that.
Call me wacky (Hi, I’m wacky), but if my man has been in love with another woman for years (decades?) and his heart would rather be with her .. she can have him! Sure, my heart would be broken, sure I would feel decieved, cheapened and unwanted.. but I’d rather be those things than have the supposed love of my life with me because he feels *obligated* to.
Why should I spend more hours, days, years, being his partner, sharing my life, heart and future with someone who doesn’t want it?
Shadowdreamer — You are not wacky. If the wife discovers this, she has every right to be hurt, deceived, etc. But if this guy is a man he should keep it to himself, get his heart right and love, honor, and cherish his wife. We all think things that would be very hurtful to our spouse if he/she knew. We keep those thoughts to ourselves, recognize them for what they are (the meanderings of a sinful heart), and reaffirm that what we have been given is far more wonderful than anything we could hope to have.
I’ve never been married, so I’m probably jaundiced. My parents, however, have been married for 44 years and remain cutesy and cuddly. (Which is AWESOME until you have to watch it as their 36 year old daughter 😛 ) I agree, I doubt my Dad has never looked in the mirror and thought “What am I doing here?” just like my Mum has probably never looked in the mirror and thought “OMG! Why did I marry this impossible Englishman?!” (She’s N. Irish. It’s fun 😉 )
However — I read this post as a situation that’s been on going for *years* .. not just a passing grass is greener. If he’s been going through the motions for that long, he’s not doing anyone any favours.
I dunno, I guess I’m a bit daft .. I see it as I do tattoos.. think about it for a year, and if your mind is still the same, with no details differed, follow your want. If anything in your want HAS changed, think about it for another year. If he wants out in a year but with a different woman, he has to see WHY he wants out, is it him, is it his wife, is it marriage .. if he still loves the other woman more..
Well, Prince Charles may have married Diana, but it sure didn’t make her happy.. or him! Look at how happy he is now. A drastic example, but I guess I’m saying it does happen.
You’re jaundiced? Better get some medical help, pronto!
As a woman, I agree with this sentiment completely.
Fred is right. People don’t seem to understand honor and commitment anymore, We become inferior selves by following desire.
I’ve never been able to understand this: A man loves a woman and marries her. Later he loves someone else and discards his first love for this new one. And the second woman never sees that what her lover is doing in leaving his wife for her is a perfect map of his character as a man, namely, he’s a man who falls in love and falls out of love. If she thinks he will only do this once, with his wife, and never do it to her, she’s crazier than he is.
I agree 100%.
One always thinks the ‘grass is greener’ some where else, it’s only an illusion. He goes on to say; “We share feelings and thoughts thru emails” Sharing anything using email is like having sex in public, it will be discovered in time. More than likely the thrill he speaks of is the ‘clandestine’ excitement, the sneaking around, the ‘what if’, the ‘we should not’.
She is just as guilty in this little tryst. They are both acting like immature adults, which they are. Entering into the commitment of marriage is vow not to be taken lightly. If they leave their spouses it’s only a matter of time before they start looking else where for their excitement. Its not marriage they want it’s the act of doing something forbidden.
It’s already been said, but whomever this is needs to stop being selfish. It’s clear that “thinking about yourself” would not be a change at all.
The grass is only greener where you water it.
I’m thinking there is more to this than is presented. I’m thinking the two have already been together several times and so now he wants out of his marriage. Cause I can’t imagine a man wanting out of a marriage after just emails sharing emotions. I can see a woman being like this, but not a man. I’m thinking that they’ve already been fugging each other’s brains out.
I sincerely hope you consider the fact that your feelings may just be a fantasy. You’ve never really been with this woman, nor she with you, so both of you could just be yearning for what you don’t have in your current relationships, and believe me, I know, the relationship that you may have with the cousin could turn out to be just as empty or wanting. Right now, you have an idealistic scenario playing on your mind’s movie screen of what things would be like with this woman, but you absolutely have no way of knowing if it would resemble reality at all. The fantasy relationship you have with this woman, even with the exchanged e-mails, requires NO real commitment or sacrifice and NO real life give-and-take. I hope that you try to imagine this other woman with all of her faults and yours combined before you make any decisions that you regret.
BTW, Confused says “time to start thinking about me for a change” — it sounds like he does little else.
I know the feeling completely! I grew-up on a farm as a little boy, and I thought I loved my dog, Skippy, like no other. Then we got a duck.
This was no ordinary duck. She had the cutest eyes I’d ever seen. She could even wink… at me! Well, It didn’t take long till I was in love with the duck. She was so cute and cuddly, I couldn’t help myself.
We kept it a secret for as long as we could, but eventually, Skippy found out… and he killed that duck (I called her ‘Pressy’, as in: pressed duck). I was heartbroken.
Then we got a goat…
LOL
I advise you to take “good enough” over “could be better” any day.
Relationships are kind of like shoes. After you’ve worn a pair for a while they get familiar and comfortable, and a new pair can look awfully tempting. After you’ve worn the new ones for a while you may find they aren’t quite as comfortable as the old ones, or another new pair may come along.
You can only wear one pair at a time, and wearing one of each never works very well at all.
Grog has it down perfectly.