I said I’m ok with being friends with benefits after the break-up. Truth is, the sex is fantastic, the spark and attraction will always be there, but I want more. He made the decisions to break it off, I didn’t want to. I’m still deeply in love and want more than sex, but I’m not ready to give the sex up either. The heart and mind are waging war while my body waves the red flag in surrender.
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7 thoughts on “Sunday Confession – Friends With Benefits”
FWB I would say move on if you find someone else and they’re not polyamorous and OK with you having sex with your ex too. If they’re fine, great! you get love and possibly a double helping of great s*x. If they’re not you get love and possibly great s*x or someone who loves you enough to want to make it great. and a slightly lower STi risk.
I hope nobody minds but I’m making an obvious assumption your a woman. If your not self org*smic and need a partner to achieve org*sm, becoming self org*smic empowers you to be s*xually independant and so if the emotional side of your current arangement gets too painful and unfulfilled you can break away and still have great multi org*smic s*x with yourself. Here’s a website that is brilliant at helping women who are s*xualy dependant become self org*smic, just like men, and so just as sexually empowered. It’s Dods and Ross, they’re brilliant!! http://dodsonandross.com/
The old adage of buying the cow when the milk is free kind of applies here. If you’re willing to give him sex without any attachments, you’re just doing yourself a disservice. You need to cut it off completely so that you can at least begin to mentally move on from the situation. As long as you’re still having sex, and being that you can’t separate sex with emotions, you’ll never be able to move on and find something better. You know this.
Besides, you might find out that after stopping sex, he might wise up and realize what he had. But he won’t do that as long as he’s still getting what he wants out of it. No man, nor person, changes until they are in an uncomfortable situation. He’s comfortable right now, things aren’t going to change.
Her problem isn’t that she is “giving him” sex but that he is “giving her” the kind of sex that gives her pleasure and it’s really good. Don’t think the situation she’s in is evil. Both of them are honest with each other and know where they stand, but unless she can find an outlet for her heart, it’s likely to be hurting before too long.
Personally, the “friends with benefits” phrase is just a euphemism for casual sex and kind of makes me ill. I think of casual sex as something I did when I was a teenager and I had zero respect for women. I agree with Sander, if you’re just doling out the goods, you’re disrespecting yourself, and if you always end up wanting more out of the deal then you are truly hurting yourself and your own sense of self-worth. If you’re still in love with him, every time you have sex the knife just cuts a little deeper. Better to move on and heal, I say.
Casual sex can be as nice as casual conversation, of meeting someone interesting on a train and having their good company through the journey. If I was a woman I wouldn’t have sex with anyone who has zero interest in my satisfaction anyway, not even for one night.
who the heck waves a red flag in surrender?
If he were the last guy on Earth I could understand your dilemma, but what woman only can only find one guy to have good sex with? If sex is what you need and want then find it somewhere else. Why degrade yourself by having continued sex with a guy who doesn’t care about you? Time to move on. God knows he’s gonna ride this train as long as he can.
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