I am fed up with my wife and kids, but feel that I have no options to do anything about it. My wife ignores me and has guy friends that she is more interested in than me, but she insists that there is nothing going on. And my kids… getting them to be any kind of respectful is something that I doubt will ever happen. I want out, but feel I have no choice but to stay.
Stuck
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Well, let me just say that staying in a loveless marriage “for the kids” isn’t doing the kids any favors. When my mother and father got divorced, I was fifteen, and overjoyed. I saw my dad less, but the time I spent with him was actually time doing stuff together not just being in the same house.
If you really feel stuck, sometimes getting out is the best option.
Divorce was the most painful thing that ever happened to me.
It was also the best gift someone could give me.
I see my kids far less but we do have way better time than we had before. And my ex… We were never meant for each other.
Not suggesting that you should go for one, but the moment you realise that you’ve got that option you’ll know that you aren’t at all powerless. Best of luck.
Or, as opposed to Robert’s response, man up and take responsibility for your own actions. I can see why your wife isn’t interested.
My thoughts exactly. Another selfish SOB that thinks his family owes him.
Weren’t we taught that respect is earned? I can’t imagine what kind of “Dad” this is?
Parents don’t earn their kids’ respect. These kids learned how to disrepect dad from their mom who had no business getting married in the first place. Spouses should be #1 to each other. Anything else will lead to a failed marriage.
Mom’s disrespect for Dad, by itself, will not rob the Dad of the kids’ respect if the Dad has really earned it. If Mom’s disrespect of Dad is unjustified, the kids will see it.
First: talk to your wife, man to woman, and explain gently that you’re hurt. Get into counseling and get over it, around it or through it. If you love her, it’s worth it. If you don’t love her, get a divorce and save everybody a lot of trouble.
Kids? Talk to them. Kids don’t respect anger or intimidation. If you treat them like intelligent human beings, they’ll respond. Sit ’em down and have a chat. Gently explain what you want them to be and why. Teach them. It’s not a time to lecture or scold. Tell them why that respect is important.
I talk to my kids about harmony. My 7 year old told a lie the other day: I taught him about karma. I told him how lies hurt people who hear it and know it’s a lie, but he can overcome that hurt by telling the truth. We talked it out. He told the truth. Kids can see reason.
I see it all the time: if you want respect, you have to SHOW the respect you want to get. No, you won’t always get it back, but I find when I EXPECT respect I don’t get it, but if I PAY for respect WITH respect, I often get it. Try it.
I’m not perfect. Damn far from it. I don’t have a perfect marriage and I don’t have perfect kids. That’s okay. I’m not perfect either.
Here’s my best advice: be the person you want your kids to be. You can tell ’em till you’re blue in the face, but they learn from what they see. Be the kind of person you want them to be. It’s hard (damn near impossible for ME most of the time), but it’s worth it and seeing Dad really trying makes a huge impression.
Crispy, Did I Tell You Today…That I Love You? Well, I Do!
None of us are perfect but that doesn’t stop us from trying. 😉
Children learn by example. If we lived in a crack house… what do we expect from our children?
You’re a good soul, my man. 🙂 Your comments are right on.
I’m sorry, but this confession sounds like it came from a “ME” person. I have to wonder how much quality time that this Dad has actually given to his children? They would respect him, if he shared his time and love with them. No matter what.
I thought these confessions were sad and depressing at first but I’m kind of liking the ones that tell me I was right not to get married or have kids.