Month: October 2011

I received the following email this morning….

ATTENTION.

I AM WRITING YOU DIRECTLY FROM THE OFFICE OF THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION DUE TO WHAT WE HAVE DETECTED THROUGH OUR INVESTIGATIONS AND WE FOUND OUT THAT YOU HAVE BEEN INTO SO MANY BUSINESS ON THE INTERNET AND YOU HAVE ALSO BEEN IN CONTACT WITH SO MANY PEOPLE WHOM YOU HAVE SEND MONEY TO VIA WESTERN UNION SO MANY TIMES CLAIMING TO BE SOMEONE WHO HE/SHE IS NOT.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WE HAVE ALL YOUR INFORMATION HERE WITH US AND YOUR FILE HERE IN OUR OFFICE IS UP TO DATE. I WILL ADVISE YOU TO STOP EVERY TRANSACTION YOU HAVE GOING ON NOW ON THE INTERNET TILL FURTHER NOTICE OR ELSE WE WILL COME KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR.

SECONDLY, THE UNICEF OFFICE USA IN ASSOCIATION WITH THE UNICEF NIGERIA HAS AWARDED COMPENSATION FUND FOR THOSE WE DETECTED THAT THEY HAVE BEEN SCAMMED BEFORE WHICH WILL BE TRANSFERED BY THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA. {CBN}  AND ONLY THE ONES WE KNOW THAT WE HAVE THEIR FILE UP TO DATE IN OUR OFFICE AND YOU HAPPEN TO BE ON OUR LIST OF THOSE WHO WILL RECEIVE THE COMPENSATION WHICH IS $10,000,000 {TEN
MILLION US DOLLARS).

LASTLY, YOU WILL HAVE TO GET BACK TO US ON THIS EMAIL: XXXX@gmail.com (email omitted because I don’t want you to jump in and defraud me of my $10 million) WITH YOUR FULL INFORMATION AND A COPY OF YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT OR DRIVERS LICENSE FOR VERIFICATIONS. THEN WE WILL PROCEED IN MAKING ARRANGEMENT ON HOW YOU WILL RECEIVE YOUR FUND.

BEST REGARDS
DETECTIVE GEORGE HARRISON

Wait…. they want “MY FULL INFORMATION” yet they say, “WE HAVE ALL YOUR INFORMATION HERE WITH US“.  I think I’ll wait until I hear from Detective Harrison’s boss, Sergeant Pepper.

Apparently George Harrison is still alive and not Back in the U.S.S.R. .  I hear Detective John Lennon is on a Magical Mystery Tour.  I hear he got a Ticket To Ride down Penny Lane, The Long And Winding Road,  to the Octopus’ Garden, but he’s not been seen Nowhere, Man.  They keep Searchin’ for him.  I hope It Won’t Be Long before he will Get Back soon.  I’m sure they will work Eight Days A Week to get to the bottom of this Nigerian scam business after they give me my Money.  They won’t Let It Be. I’d like to Help them, but I’m A Loser. I Should Have Known Better. 

Do You Want To Know A Secret?  I can’t even Drive My Car.  I pretend like I Feel Fine, but I’ve Got A Feeling I’m gonna Shout out Something When I’m Sixty-Four or maybe sixty-five. Probably something intelligible like “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da”.  Nobody I Know is in this much Misery.  Hopefully With A Little Help From My Friends, We Can Work It Out and This Boy won’t be forever known as The Fool On The Hill.