Sunday Confession – Cheater cheated

Sunday confession

I’ve been in one relationship and I cheated. My father was a cheater. I’m terrified that if I ever was in another relationship, I’d be doomed to cheat again. I hate it.


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11 thoughts on “Sunday Confession – Cheater cheated”

  1. Pull your socks up and be a human. Don’t whine to me what you should be or what you can be…Just be a caring person. It’s that simple.

  2. “I’m terrified I’d be doomed…” As if it was something out of your control. I guess it’s easier to just shrug your shoulders and proudly call yourself weak – a victim…of what? and just go on wrecking relationships forever. Maybe it’s time to grow the backbone your father didn’t have.

  3. Calm down everyone.
    To the Confessor:
    Cheating is not genetic, but it can be a learned behaviour. We learn how to deal with relationships from watching those around us – family, friends etc – and seeing the way your father behaved perhaps taught you his version of what is an acceptable way to treat a partner.
    The good thing about learned behaviours is that they can be unlearned. The second bit of good news is that the first step in unlearning a behaviour is recognising and acknowledging its existence – which you have done following your one relationship. Now it’s a question of being honest with yourself – do you really feel that you could not be in a relationship without cheating, or have you merely convinced yourself that you don’t deserve to be in one because of your previous transgression?
    Either way, the last sentence of your Confession tells me that you have realised that this isn’t a desirable situation and hopefully you are ready and willing to do something about it. This is great. This is a positive thing. You know its a cycle you want to break but its difficult to know how to do it.
    The next step would seem to be to seek counselling – and yes there are services out there for this very thing, where you can speak frankly about your fears and experiences without being judged. It will help.
    I’m not sure what country you are from but a Google.[country suffix] search for “counselling for infidelity” should turn up some useful contact numbers.
    Don’t be alone for fear of ending up alone – it makes no sense.
    Good luck 🙂

  4. Cheater – use your father’s actions as a bad example, not as something to emulate.

    And I agree with Maffu – find a counselor that can help. Or if you go to church/synagogue/mosque, talk with your pastor/father/rabbi/whatever–they should be able to help or at least point you to a useful resource.

  5. Age is probably relevant too. I know almost everyone cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend when in their teens. You just fall in and out of love so quickly. (And it IS love, even if it only lasts three months!) Its what you take from this that’s the important bit.

    I cheated on a boyfriend and I’ll tell you – I will never, ever, ever, forget that soul wrenching GUILT. That feeling of not only failing him, but failing myself and my sense of honour and self-respect. I didn’t want to be that person. And I’ve never cheated again.

    I’ve found, that when my body and mind want to be elsewhere, I sit and think about WHY before I act upon it. Am I mad at my boyfriend? Am I out of love with him? Has he betrayed me? (Two wrongs don’t make a right no matter how much it may seem so at the time) .. The WHY is so very important. And if I truly, truly want to be with person b.. then I break up with person a.

    Mistakes get made and learned from. Its what you do from here that matters.

    • Your last line says it all. Everyone makes mistakes… some bigger than others, but what you learn from those mistakes is the key.

  6. I’ve been cheated on, it sucks. I never want to feel that again. I would never do that to anyone else, not to my partner,(if I had one) and I would never be the other woman, I wanted to kill her when I got cheated on, to me the lowest form of life on Earth is someone who cheats or knows you are married and cheats with you. Just my personal feelings.
    Maybe you won’t do it now, you are older, you know it’s wrong.

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