I dated a stripper at one point in my life but when she and I started out we were not dating and she was not a stripper. It was one of those evolution things, where sex turns into something more and it surprised us both. When she told me she was going to quit college to become a stripper I was all for it. I mean, what guy doesn’t want to be seen with a stripper, right? The first time I saw her on stage was more than a little surreal. Not because she was getting naked in front of other men and not because she was gyrating around beautifully, but because it was the first time in my life I had the chance to look at strippers, and stripping, objectively. I could tell, and I knew she could tell too, which guys she was going to be able to milk for every one dollar bill to their name, and perhaps more, much more, before the night was done.
As a boyfriend to one of the other women, the other girls also treated me just a little different. They stopped trying to sell me lap dances and expensive drinks. In the first fifteen minutes of being there it was exciting as hell to get into conversations with naked women but take away the music, take away the dancing, take away being around other guys who are yelling and getting into the scene, and suddenly you’re just talking to a woman who has no clothes on. An hour deep into the experience and suddenly, as odd as it may sound, the nudity of the situation really wasn’t as big a deal as it had always been before. Don’t get me wrong here. There were some women walking around that place that were really and truly and honestly beautiful, and I enjoyed watching the show. But the energized excitement that had always been associated with strippers and stripping had slowly ebbed away. It was replaced by an understand of stripping as an art form, performed by hard working young women, for men who basically wanted to get drunk and yell with their buddies. Men at strip joints by themselves are usually very quiet and abnormally creepy.
Helping strippers work on their routines was fun but it put the final nail in the coffin for strip joints for me. Each of them had something they like to do, when to take off what and how, and some of the girls were better on the pole than others, and some just had that stripper thing going where anything and everything they did worked. I remember shooting pool with one of the guys who was married to one of the girls and in the middle of the game I realized there was a naked woman dancing on stage trying to perfect spinning upside down naked on a pole and there I was shooting pool. Nudity, when it’s something that everyone is doing all the time, isn’t a big deal at all. That may sound very strange but look at the difference between the first couple of times you saw your girlfriend naked and a year later when she’s walking around the house nude and complaining about you leaving your socks on the damn floor.
Men, I have got some very, very, bad news for you. The odds of you picking up a stripper at a strip joint then taking her somewhere to have sex with her is in direct proportion of you having stuck a winning lottery ticket in her garter. You are there to see them take off their clothes and to have some wild idea about sex. They are there to drain you of every dollar they can by feeding your fantasy. Yes, the drinks they are drinking are very watered down. The drinks you are drinking, at twenty-five bucks a shot, are much stronger. Those ten minute conversations you have with them one on one will invariably lead to them asking you to watch their next routine, and you’ll have to keep sticking those dollar bills into that garter to keep her shaking that thing at you. If you think becoming a regular at a strip joint improves your chances then you are not only delusional but you are also broke. A naked woman who is naked for a living knows how to make you give her money. That is one of the Universal Truth in Human History. Live with the idea that naked women are more expensive than clothed woman and you can save yourself a lot of trouble.
Dating a stripper isn’t a lot of fun once you get past the first couple of weeks. Her hours are going to suck. She is going to be tired a lot. She’s going to have adhesive in places you don’t want it. She’s going to want to go out with her stripper friends and some of those women have some very serious issues. Your buddies are going to go off the deep end trying to get you to get them in for free and you are going to get a lot of hassle about your girlfriend looking good naked. It’s all part of the show but to have someone you drink with putting a dollar bill in your girlfriend’s garter is a little disconcerting. Watching her give a lap dance to some sweaty old man who looks like he might just get off, (or die) right there on the spot isn’t very attractive either. Most owners of strip joints realize there are girls who will trade good hours or good shifts for sex and they assume if they try hard enough, most of them will.
The upside to all of this is in The Guy World dating a stripper is like winning the World Series when you’re around other guys. Looking at your watch and telling your buddies it’s time to go help work on a new pole dancing routine is priceless. The guys who never get out much and who have never even seen their wives totally nude with stand in awe of you, and kneel to touch your garment. But beware of the price you will pay! You can never again walk into a strip joint without realizing the women are there to take off their clothes and to take your money.
Mike writes regularly at his site: The Hickory Head Hermit
Opinions expressed in this article are not necessarily those of the management of this site.
12 thoughts on “Friday Firesmith – Strippers”
OK, I thought this collaboration was a terrible idea when they first floated it, but that was awesome. Particularly the bits about adhesive and pool.
Thanks, Noumenon. I suspect nearly any human entertainment endeavor is largely perspective. If you worked in a movie theater and saw the first run movies before anyone else you’d likely get over the thrill of seeing a movie first.
The place i used to tend bar was owned by the same corporation that owned the sleaziest strip joint in town, or rather one of the guys had a brother who owned the strip club, any how it was right there, we had a behind the scenes look as well. Some of it isn’t very pretty. Of course the girls here were selling a little C as well. They let the dj take the fall for that.
By the way I have enjoyed reading your coloumn Mike, very well written.
25 bucks a shot? that had better be some really good stuff
or some really awesome women…
This column would have been kinda useful to me when I was in my mid 20s. Maybe.
Eh, probably not.
Great job as usual, Mike.
I’ve been on several business trips to Atlanta and vendors seem to think if you’re in town, on business, and away from your spouse, they need to take you to the Gold Club. A lot of my friends werre just like you say Mike. They were positive the ladies were looking at them and ready to DO THEM, RIGHT NOW. They’d just keep pushing dollars in the slots, bringing a new meaning to the term addicktion. Myself, I’d just sit there and nurse my drink (plain grapefruit juice, I’m not a prude; I just don’t drink) and watch the show. But the real show was the audience rather than the platform.
My best friend works at a strip club, and I gotta say, the experience is indeed really changed when you *actually* know one of the women. I still go every now and then, but for the most part, the flair of seeing women dancing naked (in that setting; it’s still great at home) is gone. They are only paying attention to you because you look like a good source of that night’s income. That sounds cruel, but think about it, how many of these women do you think would stay if they were offered comparable income elsewhere, that didn’t involve sweaty men and crawling across a dance floor on bruised knees all night?
I was friends with a stripper in college (she was trying to earn money for college), but I never went to see her strip. Woulda been creepy: like watching my sister or something. I had a friend in college who dated a stripper a few times. He was feeling down, went to a strip club, and she saw he was a really nice guy having a really bad day and felt sorry for him.
As for the nudity, I understand exactly what you mean. In Japan, nudity is no big deal at all. People bathe together and think nothing of it. Elementary school kids don’t typically have changing rooms. Boys and girls all change for PE in the classroom. I think that’s weird, but they don’t. I teach at an all-girls school. Again, no changing rooms. One time, I complained to the vice-principal because the junior high girls would sometimes leave all the curtains and windows open while they changed, and the VP thought it was just HILARIOUS that I was embarrassed. She was like “In Japan, this doesn’t bother us at all.”
A very well written article, Mike.
Enthralling story Mike.Thanks for the entertainment.
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