Insider merger investment tips 2011

For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.

Watch for these consolidations in 2011:

1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co.
Will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.

3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa.

5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: PouponPants.

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW!

And finally….

9. Victoria ‘s Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new name: TittyTittyBangBang.

Thanks Krisgo


Friday Firesmith – Going to Pot

Today we’re kicking off a weekly column by Mike Firesmith.  Mike lives in rural Georgia with his three dogs and describes himself as… A writer.  My writing reflects the things I see, think, and experience, and those things in my past that have led me to be me. It is not always pretty, it is not always funny, and no one has ever made mention of my life as a Disney Movie.  Mike writes regularly at his site:  The Hickory Head Hermit

Going to Pot
Friday firesmithThe problem with behavior laws is not all people behave the same way.  Let’s take a law that makes sense to everyone, and work our way down. It ought to be against the law for someone to break into your house in the middle of the night and steal things you’ve worked hard for, or managed to win playing poker with your drunk friends. I believe, and so do many others, that a person has a right to own a gun, in the event of such an occurrence. The problem is the same people you were playing poker with while they were lit up doing tequila shots might pull a gun on the local McDonald’s drive through window operator when they refuse to supersize an order of fries at six in the morning. While we would all like to think drinking and gun ownership are god given rights the truth of the matter is the two are nearly almost always a very bad idea when they come together at the same time after three in the morning.

    Now, if your friend Dave gets drunk, loses all his money playing poker, goes out and pulls a gun on some minimum wage drive through operator and then wrecks his pick-up truck trying to get away from some mop wielding college freshman who was cleaning up at McDonald’s, is the fault of the gun, the truck, the tequila, the poker, or the food at McDonald’s?

Laws can be passed against all the above, have been passed to stop all of the above, and all of these laws have pretty much failed and failed miserably. Okay, there are no laws against pick-up trucks yet, but I do see that coming.

    So we agree there ought to be against stealing and killing and breaking into other people’s houses, but we can see where those laws trying to keep us from drinking, playing poker, or eating bad food might be a little too much to really do well if at all. In fact, if there is a law passed to prevent people from behaving in a certain way, someone is going to find some way to make money off of the law, and that’s the real reason a lot of these laws exist today.

Pot leaf    Think about it; if you have a drug that basically mellows people out, causes them to laugh uncontrollably at Adam Sandler movies, and eat French Fries, what real harm is coming of this, except to encourage more Adam Sandler movies? Sure, there ought to be a law against those things, honestly, but is that the real reason pot is illegal? Why is pot illegal? Few people realize this drug was outlawed in the 1930’s because someone figured out how to make paper out of hemp, which is what pot is, at one third the cost of wood pulp. The paper industry, and the tree industry, made a big fuss out of how dangerous smoking pot could be, and the next thing you know pot is a bigger sell than timber, which by the way, is also not an accident. The people selling pot can claim the price is so high because it’s illegal and who is going to sue them? Illegal also means unregulated and that war down in Mexico is capitalism on meth, literally.

    Those who tell you the government can keep you sober, skinny, and away from both Adam Sandler and cannabis, educate your kids, and regulate Wall Street, have been smoking some truly good stuff, mon. Look at the things the government has done well, does well, and is likely to do well, and then ask yourself if you feel good about any new law about to be passed. Your friend Dave is less dangerous than your local representative to the Senate. No one is going to bribe Dave into starting a war so someone can sell bullets and bombs.

    Pot isn’t as dangerous as laws against it have proved to be. Guns laws have proved to be laughable except they are a slippery slope. Food laws, in trying to make restaurants change their menu so that fat people who refuse to exercise and eat right are protected from themselves are just plain weird. The laws are stupid when they are telling me I can’t own a pit bull dog because some moron is keeping one in an apartment the size of a closet with three kids and no back yard.

    Personal responsibility and accountability cannot be written into code but they can be taught. When we set the government up to tell us when we are bad for ourselves they are writing into code personal irresponsibility and a nation of sheeple. I have a gun, three large dogs, a pick-up truck, and I don’t smoke pot. Laws countering any of this, or allowing any of this, are not going to affect me one damn bit.

Take Care,

Mike writes regularly at his site:  The Hickory Head Hermit

Opinions expressed in this article are not necessarily those of the management of this site.


A few changes on B&P

A couple of changes you’ll see in the next couple of days….

Friday Firesmith: B&P reader, and writer, Mike Firesmith will be writing a column for Bits & Pieces every Friday.  We’re going to call his column Friday Firesmith.  It’ll appear early tomorrow morning and hopefully every Friday until he runs out of lead in his pencil.

Song Saturdays: On Saturdays I’m going to post some (mostly original) music videos. I already have 4 or 5 set up to post first thing Saturday morning.  So if you have something you performed or your band did and you’d like to have it in front of a few thousand people, send me a link to it.  I’d prefer a YouTube or something like that that I can embed rather than you sending me the video directly.  We’ll still post the usual silly things we normally do.

We’re always receptive to your thoughts and ideas about Bits & Pieces.