New U.S. Tax Return for Conservatives

Form 1980: U.S. Income Tax Return for CONSERVATIVES

PERSONAL INFORMATION

1. Name of Man of the House _________, III

2. Name of wife or other dependents __________________

3. Addresses of all homes and real estate holdings, including vacation homes, rental properties, chateaux and archipelagos _________, _________, _________, _________, _________, _________, _________, _________, _________, _________, _________, _________, _________, _________, _________.

4. E-mail address ___________@aol.com

5. Golf handicap ____

5a. Get a load of this guy! Come on, your ACTUAL golf handicap 😉 ____

6. Presidential Re-Impeachment Fund. Please check here if you’d like $3 to go toward re-impeaching President Clinton ___

FILING STATUS

7. Number of times you have taken the sacred, eternal vow of marriage between one man and one woman __

8. Amount of monthly alimony payments __,___ 9. Are you running for public office? Y/N

10. If you answered “no” to the above, how many undocumented immigrants do you have gardening for you? ______

INCOME

11. Total amount of hard-earned wages, executive compensation and inheritance subject to plunder by the federal government __,000,000.00

12. If you made more than $14 billion in profits in 2010, we have some good news! Please skip to form 1120-GE (see below).

ADJUSTED GROSS INCOME

Please deduct the following non-taxable expenses/hardships:

13. Total expenditures on SUVs, American flags, flag lapel-pins and outdoor Nativity sets ______

14. Cost of spray-tans, breast implants and NASCAR-themed cell phone belt clips ______

15. Total costs incurred diverting wife’s, congregation’s or constituents’ attention away from weekend “wine tasting” trip with your “fitness trainer,” Alberto ______

THIRD PARTY DESIGNEE

16. Please check here if your accountant is in federal prison __

ADDITIONAL FORMS

Please answer the following questions to determine if you need to file additional forms:

17. Do you believe Noah’s ark was real, and that dinosaur fossils were planted on Earth by the devil? __

18. If you answered “you betcha,” please attach form 1773, below. —————

 

U.S. Tax Form 1773 for TEA PARTY PATRIOTS

NAME

1. Name as listed on your OFFICIAL birth certificate 😉 ____________________

FILING STATUS

2. Number of wives or home-schooled dependents __

3. Race ______ (if non-white, may we use your photo in our promotional materials?)

4. Number of “stand-offs” with federal agents during 2010 ___

5. Palin Reagan Rushmore Fund. Please check here if you’d like $3 to go toward funding a reality show in which the Palin family carves Ronald Reagan’s head onto Mount Rushmore __

INCOME

6. Total value of guns and gold in your home/bunker ______

DREAM DINNER

7. Which New Testament character would you most like to dine with at the Cheesecake Factory? ______

TAXES/REFUND

8. Taxes are unconstitutional __ Yes

9. I want my country back! __ Now

10. Total tax due (paid “in protest”) ______ ————–