‘Twas the night before Christmas & out on the ranch
The pond was froze over & so was the branch.
The snow was piled up belly-deep to a mule.
The kids were all home on vacation from school,
And happier young folks you never did see-
Just all sprawled around a-watchin’ TV.
Then suddenly, some time around 8 o’clock,
There came a surprise that gave them a shock!
The power went off, the TV went dead!
When Grandpa came in from out in the shed
With an armload of wood, the house was all dark.
“Just what I expected,” they heard him remark.
“Them power line wires must be down from the snow.
Seems sorter like times on the ranch long ago.”
“I’ll hunt up some candles,” said Mom. “With their light,
And the fireplace, I reckon we’ll make out all right.”
The teen-agers all seemed enveloped in gloom.
Then Grandpa came back from a trip to his room,
Uncased his old fiddle & started to play
That old Christmas song about bells on a sleigh.
Mom started to sing, & 1st thing they knew
Both Pop & the kids were all singing it, too.
They sang Christmas carols, they sang “Holy Night,”
Their eyes all a-shine in the ruddy firelight.
They played some charades Mom recalled from her youth,
And Pop read a passage from God’s Book of Truth.
They stayed up till midnight-and, would you believe,
The youngsters agreed ’twas a fine Christmas Eve.
Grandpa rose early, some time before dawn;
And when the kids wakened, the power was on..
“The power company sure got the line repaired quick,”
Said Grandpa – & no one suspected his trick.
Last night, for the sake of some old-fashioned fun,
He had pulled the main switch – the old Son-of-a-Gun!
Elf Pick-Up Lines
* “Has anyone ever told you you have beautiful knees?”
* “We don’t see many happenin’ ladies north of the Arctic Circle.”
* “That’s quite a set of ornaments you’ve got there.”
* “Just because a guy wears tights doesn’t mean he’s gay.”
* “One night with me, baby, and you’ll be sneezin’ tinsel.”
* “Why, yes, I am George Stephanopoulos.”
* “I can’t tell you how hard it is to be the only elf who’s Jewish.”
* “Not everything about me is tiny.”
* “That’s not Elmo, but don’t stop tickling.”
* “I’m down here!”
* “Just because I have bells on my shoes doesn’t mean I’m a sissy.”
* “I was once a lawn ornament for Brad Pitt.”
* “No, no, I don’t bake cookies. You’re thinking of those dorks at Keebler.”
* “You’d look great in a Raggedy Ann wig.”
* “I can eat my weight in cocktail wieners.”
* “I taught Santa everything he knows.”
* “I’m a magical being. Take off your bra.”
* “I’m free on Christmas Eve.”
* “Even Santa doesn’t make candy as sweet as you.”
* “I’ve got the keys to the sleigh tonight.”
* “You know what they say about guys with big ears.”
* “I get a thimbleful of tequila in me and I turn into a wild man.”
* “I have certain needs that can’t be satisfied by working on toys.”
* “I can get you off the naughty list.”
Carol Of The Belts