Mating for life? You need a penguin ring

Here’s a slightly used one from a slightly bitter guy in Kansas City. It’s on eBay.

Here’s the description:

Penguin ring Custom engraved titanium band… “HER PENGUIN”

You see, penguins mate for life. So, in theory, you’d wear this when you get married to your penguin. As it turns out, female penguins are godless, communist whores.

So, if you’ve found “your” penguin, you should get up on this quality, titanium band. In a few years, you’ll be happily married to your commie penguin, have a house, pop out a couple kids and then realize something has gone horribly wrong. At which point, the communist aspect will kick in. You’ll be booted from your own house, lose your kids, and 76.4% of your take-home income. Leaving you with a shitty little apartment, that “your” penguin feels is unsafe for your kids, despite having purchased a firearm. Got a 401k? great, with this ring, you’re sure to lose half of it. Next, lets cover what the courts like to call “equitable distribution of property” – this is fancy talk for, “your” penguin keeping most of “your” shit in “your” house, none of which she is entitled to – especially considering she is not covering the mortgage, as ordered by the court. These are just a few of the stellar things that can, and probably will happen to the lucky fluffer that buys this ring. A great and wonderous journey awaits you, my friend. Enjoy court, have fun with it, after all, the godless, commie penguin is going to get what she wants anyway. Come to think of it, skip the lawyer, save your money. Roll in there belligerent as hell and half tanked – the outcome will be the same, count on it. If you buy this ring, I’ll be sure and ship it in a “large” u-haul box – as you’re going to need it when it’s all said and done – it gets drafty living under a bridge.

If you’d like further info on this magical, hobbit-like ring, shoot me an email.

Thanks for looking, enjoy your commie misery.

Thanks Brian L

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