10 lies most parents tell their children

 1.  There is a Santa Claus, but he’ll only visit you if you’re good.

 2.  This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you.

 3.  Mommy and Daddy are taking a nap.

 4.  If you tell me the truth, you won’t get in trouble.

 5.  Eating your vegetables will make you grow up big and strong.

 6.  If you play with your privates too much, they’ll drop off/you’ll go blind.

 7.  If you keep making that face, your face will stay that way.

 8.  Mommy and/or Daddy never took illegal drugs/drank underage/had premarital sex.

 9.  SpongeBob’s not on this week/the TV is broken/our cable is out.

 10.  The stork brought you to us.

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13 thoughts on “10 lies most parents tell their children”

  1. I would love to hear a kid ask: Mommy, why is your and Daddy’s anniversary only three months before my birthday?

  2. Alternately, tell them the HARD truth.

    1. There is no Santa but if you don’t behave I won’t buy you any Christmas presents, I’ll just leave you at an orphanage and go for a trip around the world for the money.

    2. This WILL hurt but you will not remember it tomorrow.

    3. Mommy and Daddy are busy making a little brother for you.

    4. If you DON’T tell me the truth I’ll just assume that you always lie and you will get in trouble every time.

    5. Don’t eat the vegetables if you don’t want to but don’t come whining to me if you get sick.

    6. If you play with your privates too much you’ll become addicted and won’t be able to stop even when you’re at school and all the other kids will laugh at you.

    7. If you keep making that face the only thing that will happen is that you’ll get wrinkles and look look your grandma/grandpa.

    8. Sure Mommy and Daddy tried some drugs so that we could tell you what a bad experience it was. Besides, we knew wen to stop and you don’t. And yeah, we had premarital sex, that’s why we got married at seventeen and had no life because we had to raise you.

    9. Spongebob doesn’t give a darn if you watch him or not.

    10. Daddy planted you but it took Mommy nine months to grow you.

  3. My mother always told me if I made a loud noise while she was baking, the “cake would fall” and be ruined. That then became a loud noise. She eventually expanded it to anything that was in the oven, and then anything that was on the stove as well.

  4. Sorry about this KLAW, but Joe , you’re on the wrong Blog, go over to ‘J-Walk’, you will love it.

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